I am so frustrated. Carolyn is still sick so we have to cancel our playdate again, and even worse I broke a promise to call the person yesterday. She is now crying about something or other because I told her to come find me after feeding the cats and getting dressed and deciding what to eat. Somebody just spilled something behind me (she let the cats in the bedroom) and I don’t even want to look and see what it is. Jack threw up this morning too. And something else bad happened and it made me feel mad at you, but I don’t want to tell you about it right now because I don’t want you to think I am being accusing and nasty. I wish today could have a do-over! Where did I go wrong? Why can’t everything just take care of itself? Why can’t Newton have a brain? At least C. has stopped crying and the new tenant sounds really nice, though I am worried they will see how run-down our house looks and not want to move in. Plus there is the trouble with the income thing. Of course, we could just lower her rent to $200 for the first three months and ask her to spend $680 a month on home improvements. Or maybe we could just accept barter, painting, home repairs, and so on for the first three months. Oh well. I guess I better find out what spilled. Or maybe I will just read my book and wish for a new day. -K

I canceled the playdate, got my daughter dressed and fixed up a bit, and realized the thing I was mad at Tom for wasn’t even true.  Good thing I didn’t make a big deal of it.  He and I are both tired, really tired, tired in that range where the world is a bleak desert full of shadows.  He’s tired I think mostly because of stress at work and home; too much too do.  I’m tired because everyone I know has been sick off and on for so long that I feel like I am a ship lost at sea.  So I sleep but don’t feel refreshed.  A few minutes ago I took out the scissors and clipped off the bangs that Carolyn keeps sucking on.  I had spent a few weeks making no big deal of it, figuring she would stop if I didn’t make an issue of it. But today she is sick with a cold so her nose is all runny and clogged up and she’s sucking on her hair and it’s hanging around her face all sticky and gunky, and I just thought, enough is enough already, and I cut them off.  She laughed at me because one of them was too long so I cut that one off too, and then made all of them shorter just to make sure.  The hair I cut off was all crunchy with some sort of dried on goop.  Then I made her some lunch, turned on a movie, and told her I was having a problem with feeling grumpy and needed a time out.  This made her laugh.  “Ha! Ha!  Time out for grown-ups!” she said.  “Yeah,” I said.  “I just seem to be having a problem.  So I am going to give myself a time-out and see if I can get myself fixed up.”  So here I am.  Am I fixed yet?